I recently posted these memes on my IG and FB pages as part of a series of short informational pieces I have been doing about depression in all it’s expressions.
Both of these images are from the Postpartum Stress Center.
This has been the post that has been most widely shared…EVER. Why? I’ll tell you why, because having a baby and all that comes with it is HARD, with or without adding the complication of postpartum depressions which is NOT JUST the baby blues. As a licensed therapist, I can give you all the clinical jargon in the world about symptoms, prognosis, medications, evidenced based interventions, etc, but what I really want to do is share from my own personal experience. Why? Because I want you to know that you are not alone.
What is postpartum depression? According to the PostPartum Stress Center, “Postpartum depression (PPD) is an umbrella term that refers to various mood or anxiety disorders which can follow childbirth. Perinatal depression and anxiety is the most common complication following childbirth, characterized by frequent crying, mood swings, irritability, extreme fatigue, difficulty concentrating, sleep problems, loss of sexual interest, pervasive anxiety, appetite changes, negative scary thoughts, feelings of inadequacy, ruminating, hopelessness and despair. In addition, thoughts of suicide and feelings of anger, rage, shame and guilt are often present.”
I experienced an a-typical, late-onset postpartum depression when my first born was about one and a half years old. It was the darkest, hardest time of my life. This is saying a lot, since, those first few months after birth were pretty stressful and hard, but this was different, way different. I experienced hopelessness, a deep sadness I could not shake, insomnia, panic attacks, negative and very dark, scary thoughts (among many of the other symptoms listed). Even the colors around me seemed muted. I struggled silently with this for almost a year. One day after a very scary incident, I realized I could not, literally, carry that around anymore. I was at the bottom of a deep pit with no way out. So, I made up my mind that I needed to DO something, or else I really felt like I was going to die. What I did took courage, humility, and consistency.
I told someone. That’s it. That’s what it took to get the ball rolling in my favor. One night, in the darkness of our room, I told my husband, “I think I’m depressed.” His answer, “I know.” That’s it, the cat was out of the bag, the door was open, and a sliver of light shone through. Then, I told my doctor, who listened and ordered a battery of blood tests that really helped to determine if my next course of action needed medical interventions. Then I told my Pastor, who prayed with me and really helped me to put a plan into action to help me deal with this monster that had hijacked my life.
Maybe you are wondering how I managed to get through the ugly, because, saying it aloud to someone, or several someones was a great first step, but by no means enough. Well, as suggested by the people who were now helping me, and with the tremendous amount of support from my husband, I did the following:
1. I planned intentional time for my self at least once per week. We hired a babysitter to take my toddler out 3 hrs every Wednesdays. It’s amazing what 3 hrs midweek did for me.
2. I joined a support group. It was not a traditional support group, but it served it’s purpose for me. I met with a group of women once weekly for bible study. The reason I picked that particular group was simply because they provided babysitting during that time. I ended up spending over 4 years in this group and it literally enriched my life in a million ways.
3. I cleared my plate. I was over committed with many, many things on my plate, and I took a sabbatical. Simply put, I said “NO” to the things that were sucking my energy.
4. I continued to talk about what I was feeling and experiencing. I did not discard the option of medications, because this was just a season and I did not have to be afraid of needing those.
5. I drew closer to God in my spiritual walk.
6. I remained CONSISTENT in #1-5 until I felt I was on the other side of the storm, and many of these I still do to this day.
Moral of this true story: Being a new mother, whether you are a first timer or a multiple timer…is HARD and it can be a scary, lonely place. YOU ARE NOT ALONE and YOU DON’T HAVE TO WALK THIS ROAD ALONE. Admitting you need help is not a sign of weakness, but the most courageous thing you can do for you and those you love the most. Having a support system wrap around you during this time can help in ways that you can not imagine. My prayer is that this inspires someone, somewhere, to take a step in the right direction. Postpartum depression is a serious condition, but with help, it’s a condition that can be resolved.
On a side note: When I went through this episode, I was already a licensed mental health professional … I say this so that you understand that people who have professions where they serve or help others are not exempt from mental illness. This is one of the main reasons why Bienestar Counseling & Education is geared towards providing support to those who serve others. Those who provide social services, teachers, ministers, doctors and nurses, first responders, etc … If you or someone you know needs to communicate, do not hesitate to do so.
For your wellbeing,
Sarah
